Mmph.

UGH

So many things happening at one. you wouldn't even be able to imagine how I'm feeling right now.

I feel like I'm about to fucking blow up. So many things are rushing through my head. As if I wasn't insane enough before, I've lost it for good.there is not a singe string of sanity in my head at this present moment in time. Not like I can actually THINK about anything right now.

I've come to a stop. A dead end. Everything's just piling higher and higher and trapping me.I have to scream. I have to shout. I have to get out but I want to do so many other things as well.

I want to dance, I want to laugh, I want to shout, I want to punch something, I want to smile, I want to cry, I want to write, I want to throw the fucking computer out of the window, I want to play guitar, I want to tell everyone all of everyone's secrets, I want to keep things to myself, I want to sit down, I want to move, I want to walk, I want to spin in circles, I want to hurt something or somebody, I want to tell someone I miss them and I want to do so much other stuff.
And every fucking time I do one thing, everything else I want to pushes it's way in. I can't do anything. Everything is muddled up. I have no idea what I want, what I have or what I need. I want to lie down and forget everything but I want eveything to sta in my head forever.

You see how fuking contradictive that all is? I'm feeling so many emotions right now that it's stuffing everything up. I can hardly function. I can hardly right this at the moment.

I'm happy, accepting, fearful, surprised, disgusted, ANGRY, sympathetic, helpful, optimistic, loving, disappointed, vulnerable, hyper-active, aggresive, longing, excited, proud, content, relieved, attracted, adoring, hateful, passionate, amused, delighted, glad, euphoric, irritated, aggravated, eager, exhausted, annoyed, ferocious, bitter, loathing, envious, tormented, hopeless, glum, hopeful, miserable, guilty, lonely, defeated, amused, mortified, tense, distressed and many more.

FUCK

It's like mixing every colour in the world together to make an ultimate colour, but I guarentee that it's not pretty. A mushy, brown, dirty colour is what the end result will be.

I don't know how to fix it. FUCK I don't even know if I WANT to fix it.

I know that I've cracked. I'm at the edge about to fall. And hwen these feelings go, I'll be different. Ultimate. I will be, literally, insane. I can see it happening now.

I need HELP but I don't want it ad yt at the same time I DO. And I NEED to jump around but at the same time a part of me equally strong as the other part is telling me NOT TO. Like an internal battle. Everything's pulling away and when the wars over the sun will shine.

So this will probably be the last REASONABLY fuckng SANE post from me you will ever see.