WRITING COMPETITION.

OKAY. I have a new website and a writing competition going. :D!
http://itsnameisfreedom.webs.com/09christmascomp.htm
Thats the link to the comp
and
www.itsnameisfreedom.webs.com
thats the link to the site. GO! NOW!

No more DiacolicalScribbles.

Yeaaaaaaaaah. Just here saying:

I'm making a new blog. If you want to know the name of it, email me on happy_feet_29@hotmail.com...

i'm just amking a new blog cause I feel like a new person lately and I want to leave all the memories of this blog behind. I've been feelingso free lately and I don't want to be tied down by writing on a blog that has my past plastered all over it.

That probably sounds insane but I guess that's me then aye?

One last post from the diabolical scribbler,

Amber.

*MAKES PLANE NOISES.*

Neowwwwwww!

Okayokayokayokayokayokayokay.

I had: A SHOWER OF MYSTICAL QUALITIES AND POWER. and now I'm ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL better. :D

Woooooooooooooooooooooof.


HAH:

Seventy times 7 - Brand New:

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
Like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.
I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to.

So don't apologize. I hope you choke and DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

*Headbangs.*

Yeeewwwwwww.

So yeaaaaaaah. *Jumps up and down* I LIKE PRETZELS. *Pulls out banner saying I like pretzels.*

Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

By the way: I told ya'll I had CRACKED. Hehhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Yays times a billionnnnnnnnnnn.

Mmph.

UGH

So many things happening at one. you wouldn't even be able to imagine how I'm feeling right now.

I feel like I'm about to fucking blow up. So many things are rushing through my head. As if I wasn't insane enough before, I've lost it for good.there is not a singe string of sanity in my head at this present moment in time. Not like I can actually THINK about anything right now.

I've come to a stop. A dead end. Everything's just piling higher and higher and trapping me.I have to scream. I have to shout. I have to get out but I want to do so many other things as well.

I want to dance, I want to laugh, I want to shout, I want to punch something, I want to smile, I want to cry, I want to write, I want to throw the fucking computer out of the window, I want to play guitar, I want to tell everyone all of everyone's secrets, I want to keep things to myself, I want to sit down, I want to move, I want to walk, I want to spin in circles, I want to hurt something or somebody, I want to tell someone I miss them and I want to do so much other stuff.
And every fucking time I do one thing, everything else I want to pushes it's way in. I can't do anything. Everything is muddled up. I have no idea what I want, what I have or what I need. I want to lie down and forget everything but I want eveything to sta in my head forever.

You see how fuking contradictive that all is? I'm feeling so many emotions right now that it's stuffing everything up. I can hardly function. I can hardly right this at the moment.

I'm happy, accepting, fearful, surprised, disgusted, ANGRY, sympathetic, helpful, optimistic, loving, disappointed, vulnerable, hyper-active, aggresive, longing, excited, proud, content, relieved, attracted, adoring, hateful, passionate, amused, delighted, glad, euphoric, irritated, aggravated, eager, exhausted, annoyed, ferocious, bitter, loathing, envious, tormented, hopeless, glum, hopeful, miserable, guilty, lonely, defeated, amused, mortified, tense, distressed and many more.

FUCK

It's like mixing every colour in the world together to make an ultimate colour, but I guarentee that it's not pretty. A mushy, brown, dirty colour is what the end result will be.

I don't know how to fix it. FUCK I don't even know if I WANT to fix it.

I know that I've cracked. I'm at the edge about to fall. And hwen these feelings go, I'll be different. Ultimate. I will be, literally, insane. I can see it happening now.

I need HELP but I don't want it ad yt at the same time I DO. And I NEED to jump around but at the same time a part of me equally strong as the other part is telling me NOT TO. Like an internal battle. Everything's pulling away and when the wars over the sun will shine.

So this will probably be the last REASONABLY fuckng SANE post from me you will ever see.

For Emily...

This is for Emily. She's going to redecorate her room so she asked me what my walls look like. I'm showig her on this.






















Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. :)

Time Well Spent.....

YEW Best past few days EVERRRRRRR.



Monday: Went into town with a group of friends which was EXCELLENT. See, Hannah, a friend who moved away a few weeks ago was back in town for the holidays so we were all trying to spend as much time with her as possible.
So in town, we headed down to the beach. Not to go swimming though... it was toooo cold.
I took a video of our walk to the beach. Enjoy it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dr852wYWGxk Yayyyyyy.
Shown in video: Hannah, Jess, Kathryn, Casey, Kirralee, Blake and Me.
Anyway, then we had hot chips for lunch and walked into the other part of our lil' town to the cinema to watch The Hangover and then Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.
It was a four kilometres walk so we stopped at Jess's house on the way. We played her Wii, had a drink, messed around, checked out an owl she saved on the side of the road... the usual. :P
Then we left and walked to the cinema. Waited a while, played pool, talked, bought our food and tickets and then watched the movie.
IT WAS FANTASTIC.
One of the funniest movies I've seen in ages. I recommend it to everyone. It was the best.
So that movie ended, Casey left, Ryan turned up and we watched The Half Blood Prince.
BEST. HARRY POTTER. YET. It was amazing! Everyone's acting was brilliant (Especially Tom Felton's... :P AKA Draco Malfoy)
It was so good. I loved it so much.

And then i went home and looked up Tom Felton on the internet cause I am in love with that man. :P And then I found out... He can SING and play GUITAR. He's amazing.
Check it out:
www.feltbeats.com
And
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ys37GGhR_8
So yeah. :) Love that man haha.





Tuesday: Eloise came over to watch the 6th Hrry Potter movie.
The bus was dropping her off at the bus stop mnear my house at 8:45am... I woke up at 8am. So then i rushed around trying to have breakfast, a shower and get ready in time and ran out my front door.
I rang eloise on my mobile just as she was about to ring my house on a payphone. So we talked and then met up halfway to my house. :D
And thennnnnn we chilled out at my house then went to the movieeeeeeeeeee. We watched the movie and it was just as good the second time as it was first.
Eloise LOVED it. But she thinks my love of Draco Malfoy/ Tom Felton is gross. Mainly my liking of Draco Malfoy because he's a 'gross litte wimp.' So yeah.
Then we CHILLAXED at Bilo until it was time for Eloise to catch the bus home.

Then I went home, recorded a song that took ages cause I kept stuffing up and getting frustrated, then I spent two hours busily trying to organise the events of Wednesday.... TENPIN BOWLING.... While getting pizza from the pizza shop and doing alot of difficult things. And then finally it was ORGANISED and I did the usual... chillaxed on the computer. :P





Wednesday: TENPIN BOWLINGGGGGGG (It was my first time)

I woke up, had a shower, got ready, etc. Then Kathryn and her mum came and picked me up in their car. Then we picked up casey. Then we drove to Graftoooooon. (About an hours drive.) Whilst listening to Lily Allen music and stuff.
We got lost on the way to the bowling place (Terrible street signs, a bad GPS system, etc. Many causes) And then finally we MADE ITTTTTT.
I was very very excited by this time.
So then we waited for Hannah and Jessica to turn up and then they did. I took some pictures of us outside the bowling place (Which looked like a bit of a hole):

And then we went insiddddddde.
The cost was going to be $12.50 each for two games, but the guy said that if we paid an extra $3 each, we got two large pizzas, a big bowl of chips, 2 garlic breads and a can of drink each, so we took the deal. XD He gave us each a pair of bowling shoes and told us to go to lane seven.
So we put on our BOWLING SHOES:

And then got our bowling balls ready:

And then we PLAYED.
I was up first, which was a bit of a problem because I had never played before. So everyone told me hat to do and then I stepped forward, slipped around a bit (The ground is ridiculously slippery) and then... I bowled....

...And I failed. :P And then I bowled again and failed again. And then everyone had their turns, and I failed again. In the first game, Kathryn won and I lost. I had 31 and Kathryn had 65 or something. Second game I was last with 61. Near the end of the second game, the food came. And then we paid $4 each and got another game and in that game I got 63 and came second last pretty much.

And then Kathryns mum came. :(

So we all took off our bowling shoes, gave them to the man and Casey, Kathryn and I waited outside with Kathryn's mum drove Hannah and Jess to the busstop. Then she came back and picked us up.

We looked around the shops for half an hour while Kathryn's mum did her own thing. Only I bought something - A vintage-looking red beaded braclet thing from Diva for $5. XD Yay. Then we drove home listening to CDs.

Unfortunately, Casey and I have very different music tastes, so we went through about 6 CDs in the 50 minute car trip. :P So then we dropped Casey off and then I got dropped off.

Thennnn I recorded another song for a while and just messed around with my guitarrrrr. Dad said I can get guitar lessons. XD I'm excited. :D

Thursday: And finally... today.

WELL... me and Kathryn went on a SUPER BIG WALK. XD
Kathryn got to my house at 11am, then we went to the shop for dad, came back with the pack of muffins he wanted, packed a muffin each in our bags and then left. We had a bottle of water each and I had my camera and phone and little music player with it's own little sterio so we could listen to music while we walked. I mainly forced Kathryn to listen to Tom Felton the whole time. :P

So we walked to the bakery, got a sausage roll each and I got this cream/caramel/custard bun thing and Kathryn got a caramel tart. Then we walked down to this place where there's water and sand and grass. We ate our sausage rolls on-the-go and when we got there we sat down on the grass under a really nice tree looking out at the water with our cool people music playing and while eating of cream/caramel/custard bun thing and our caramel tart. XD
Then we walked down over the sand and across this big patch of mud that didnt look deep but actually WAS and we get sinking and I get getting stuck. When I finally got stuck so bad that i couldn't even move anymore, I took my skate shoes off and when I tried to pick them up off the ground... it was a big struggle.
Then we finally made it out of the mud our shoes were disgusting! So we washed them in the ocean which took a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong time and then we picked them up and kept walking along the sand. It was a deserterted beach that turned into an island at high tide.

And then we came across a random dead tree and I was like OMG LETS TAKE A PICTURE so we did:

Hooray!

And then we kept walkng and we had to walk across about 200 metres of muddy, crab-hole invested land, and then we got to... SAFE GROUND.
Which was good :P
Then we washed our feet at a tap and walked to Kathryn's house, then we stopped there for a few mintues, put our shoes back on and continued on our walk. We went to the park. I swung on the swing and Kathryn laid down on the bridge. Then we swapped places. XD

Then we kept going.

We walked through another park and I found some berries on a tree. So i picked one and told Kathryn I was going to test to see if it was poisoness.

The way to do this is to rub/chrush the berry onto your wrist/inner elbow. If you get a rash or it hurts after 8 hours, stop testing it. If it doesn't then continue testing it.
Hold a crushed berry to your lips for 3 minutes. If there is no reaction, continue to next step.
Chew plant and hold in your mouth for 15 minutes. Don't swallow. If there's no reaction, continue.
Swallow a SMALL portion of the plant. Wait 8 hours. If you feel sick, make yourslef throw up. If you feel okay, continue to next step.
Eat a bit more and after 8 hours if there is still no reaction you can try eating the whole thing. :D
I only got up to step one.

So then we went to the fish and chip shop and got a large slushie each. And thennnn we went to the lake. We sat down and ate our muffins, which were now so crushed that they were just muffin crumbs and we fed some to the fish in the lake.

And then we walked around the other way of the lake and I went home and Kathryn went home.

By this time is was 4pm so we had been out for 5 hours. XD
Haha.
And then I saw our new MASSIVE TV. Well it's not that big.It's probably the size of most people's, but it's bigger than our old one, (Which was about 8 years old) and it's a FLATSCREEN and it's so cool and I love it. XD And yeah.. here I am. :D So... YAY.

Tell me what you think of my singing please :P It's shit... and I stuffed up alot but I only had one try cause the camera died straight after lol.

Wooooooo!

And, finally, some lyrics that I'm feeling the vibe of today:

And I was woken by the thought in my head
"Time to see the world
And get up out of this bed."
With feet to walk with and a little time to kill
I grab my guitar so I can go and chill.
At Box Hill, Cardish, I will, won't stop till I fall asleep
I'll take my time and relax in the sun,
Because I heard time flies when you're havin' fun.

And I've no idea where that day gone when
Yet I know that it's time well spent
And I've no idea where that day gone when
Yet I know that it's time well spent

Time Well Spent - Feltbeats (Tom Felton :P)

HOORAY

Oh, and only 3 days of the holidays left. :( Oh well. :P

They've gone so fast. But... I know it was time well spent. Ha!

Lil' Boys nd Lil' Girls

It's the...... FIRST DAY OF THE WINTER HOLIDAYS. Hooray!!

I had forgotten how much I love the holidays.

But before I tell you about today, I want to take you back to two days ago.

Well, it was a Thursday afternoon. I was on the bus talking to Claire on the way home. Now, Claire is the most outgoing person I know. She could stand up in front of the entire school and say ANYTHING she wanted. ANYTHING. She could walk up to the Queen and have a conversation with her about anything she wanted.
I want to be like that so bad. I want to be outgoing and not shy at ALL.
So I said to Claire:
Me: "Claire... you're so outgoing. You could stand up in front of anyone and say anything you wanted and not even be a little bit nervous."
Claire: ...Yep!
Me: "How??"
Claire: "Well, after year twelve, I'm never going to have to see any of these people ever again."
Me: "Huh?"
Claire: "After year twelve, I'm never going to have to see any of these peopple ever again. And even if I do, they're going to die eventually. Just like me. They're not going to remember me. I'm never going to see them. Why should I care what they think of me or say to me?"
Me: "... Oh my god."
Claire: "What?"
Me: "YOU'RE RIGHT!"

And that jsut made my day. She was right. I'm never going to have to see any of these people again. Why should I care? The only thing that matters is that I'm having fun!

So then YESTERDAY... I lived by this rule and it was excellent.

I cant be bothered writing down everything I did, but I talking like man all through English, held up a sign that said; 'Hey' to a construction worker, span around in lots and lots of circles until I fell over, bounced a stick on the ground, played loud music in class, told a guy I like him and danced in the middle of the quad.
It was hell fun.
More about telling the guy I like him... well, this guy's name is Jarryd. I do like him, and yesterday afternoon my friend told him on msn that i like him. Well, technically he guessed.
Darbi: One of my friends like you.
Jarryd: Who????
Darbi: Guess.
Jarryd: Is she emo?
Darbi: Ish.
Jarryd: Amber??
Jarryd: I have to go.
*Jarryd signs out*
Their next conversation:
Jarryd: Is it Amber?
Darbi: Ummmmmmmmm uhuh.
*Jarryd signs out.*

And now, that left me wondering;
Why would he ask the emo thing first?
Our of all the questions you can possibly ask, why would you ask that before anything else? He only knows one emoish person- me! Which means he MUST have had me in mind when he asked the emo question.
Which means;
1. Someone told him I like him.
2. I've been making it too obvious that I like him.
3: He likes me back.
I'm not sure which one of them is correct. The most probable one seems to be 3, because not many people know that I like him and I haven't really been making it THAT obvious....

Anyway, about my day today;
I woke up at 9.30am. (One of the reasons I love the holidays.)
I had breakfast, then had a SHOWER. I never get to have showers in the mornings on school days.
Then I got ready and went to the MOVIES to see the Hannah Montana Movie. It was surprisingly very good. I liked it. xD I saw it with Kiah and Tiarne which was pretty cool.
Then I got home and went for a bikeride. It took me about twenty minutes to pump up my tires first though. So I rode down to the lake and tried to find a nice spot to sit down, but everywhere that looked comfortable was wet. So THEN I rode down to the park and sat on the swing and read my book. It was fun, but then I started to get cold so I rode home.
THEN I played the guitar for a while. Then I played the drums. And then i started writing drop the dagger and then i got distracted and started writing a blog.

Ily holidays. :)



Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd here's some lyrics I want to share. It's called, Lil' Boys and Lil' Girls:

Little girls are swaying,
The birds sound so alive.
Nobody’s hearts are breaking,
Into the ocean I dive.
Too deep for my own benefit,
But it feels so damn good.
Drowning in your every move,
Feeling understood.

Jumping to the beat,
Feeling my heart pump.
Everyone’s just floating,
They’ve all taken a jump.

Today’s the day of lovers,
The needles prick my skin.
The cold air just eats away,
Everything I believed in.
Everything is possible,
Nothing’s too far away.
This is pure magic,
Even if it’s only for today.

Little boys are beaming,
The sun’s shining on their face.
Close your eyes and count to ten,
We can go any place.
Who needs everyone,
When I’ve got you by my side.
Let’s do some crazy things,
Before we’re taken in with the tide.

Jumping to the beat,
With the electricity.
Everyone’s just flying,
Enjoying simplicity.

Today’s the day of lovers,
The needles prick my skin.
The cold air just eats away,
Everything I believed in.
Everything is possible,
Nothing’s too far away.
This is pure magic,
Even if it’s only for today.

Yeah, this pure magic.
This is pure magic.

Because today’s the day of lovers.
And the cold touches my skin.
But I know you’ll be there,
To stop me from falling in.

Yeah,
Today’s the day of lovers,
The needles prick my skin.
The cold air just eats away,
Everything I believed in.
Everything is possible,
Nothing’s too far away.
This is pure magic,
Even if it’s only for today.

SIMS 3! SIMS 3! SIMS 3!

THE SIMS 3 CAME IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY AND I PLAYED IT YESTERDAY AND IT'S SO DAMN FUCKING AESSOME OMG OMG OMG EVERYONE SHOULD BUY SIMS 3 BECAUSE OF IT'S EPICNESS.

I'm about to go play it now actually but I had a sudden urge to write a blog. I've been having a lot of sudden urges today. Example: I had a sudden urge to get my bus pass out of my bag. Don't know why, but I followed my sudden urge :D (As you can see, I'm very proud of myself.)

Annnd yeha. (That was not a typo. I meant to say yeha.)

Me and Rrrrryyyaaannnnn aren't going out anyore. ^_^ I kinda like someone else. Okay, two other people. And one of them's a really good friend of mine. And it's really bad but I don't really like him at all much. I think I like the THOUGHT of liking him. Annnddd.... there's also another guy I kinda like but I'm not sure about. Technically I only like 2 guy, I'm just very confused is all.... :S

ANYWAYS I'm gonna go play Sims 3 now. CIAO xD

Long.Weekend

Hooooorraaayyyy for three day weekendssssss XD
Why are we having a three day weekend? Queen's birhtday XD So Monday is a pubic holiday.
WHY is Australia celebrating the Queen's birthday? Because, tehcnically, The Queen Of England is still in charge of our country. We are a Commonwealth. XD
Why are we celebrating the quen's birthay when it's not the queens birthday? Fucked.If.I.Know.

XD

So... I have 2 assingments to do. *Drops dead.* =D

I have to write a picture book which is going to take AGES and I have to do this stupid, boring Science assignment.


Anyway, today I went tooooo....... the movies. *Shock*
I saw Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past with Kathryn. =] It was pretty good.


Also... IlikeRyan. =] I do. And i mght not want to admit it, but it's true. So... hooray? Hahaha. Ella told me. She said, i'd like him in time. And she was right.

I'm in a really goooood mood.

Da da da da da da da da da da.



SHUT ME UP - MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE

Listen or die. =D

-- With the bass, the rock, the mic, the trouble, I like my coffee black just like my metal. And I can't wait for you to knock me up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXIO4-pLKwg&feature=related

Three Cheers Babyyyyy.

Got a book from the library. The entire Watchmen comic series in a full book. Holyyy shit so much better than the movie.

Teaparties on Mars

You remember yesterday? The day before today? The day I posted the last blog? The day I was absolutely and completely out of it?

WELL I'M STILL LIKE THAT. And I'm fucking loving it.

This. Is. Freedom.

Everything's different. Everything's new and interesting. Everything is amaznig and nothing is impossible. Everything is... SWEET.

I LOVE this. Today I did things I without thinking about them. I acted just with pure and straight-forward 'let's-do-this' thoughts. There were no explanations. No consequences. I wanted something. I did it. And I had fun while I did it. And ore importantly, I DIDN'T CARE. I didn't mind what people thought, all I knew was that I was doing what I wanted to do, and people were joining in and laughing and doing things that they wouldn't normally do.

Interesting parts of my day:

On the bus this morning we were driving down this real quiet country road and there was this dead possum on the middle of the road. It wasn't covered in blood or anything, but i said (Rather loudly) "Awww!! Kathryn look at that dead possum! Isn't it cute!?"
*Everyone near me stares in shock/weirded-out-ness*
Me: "Oh... but... it would be cuter if... if it wasn't dead..."

Also on the bus, the little primary school kids got on t he bus and sat about 2 seats in front of Kathryn and I. The littlest kindegartoner is SO FUCKING CUTE AND SMALL. I said to Kathryn: "Awww!!! The're all so CUTE!! I just want to steal one and keep it in my basement forever!!!"
*Little kids all stare at me in fear and move forward on their seats to be further away from me.*

Hmmm.... I ended up saying yes to that guy. I figured out that I haven't had a PROPER boyfriend for a very long time. I'm not used to it. I never realized how much I depended on freedom before. Just, this morning at school before clss, I was with him. I was with him for the whooollleee 45 minutes. Normally I'd go around to everyone. Talk to kiah and her crew, Claire and them, my crew, Ella, Justin etc.EVERYONE. And now I just... can't. And I'm used to doing whatever I feel like. If I want to dance I can dance. But with someone there holding my hand, I just... CAN'T. It's just weird, you know? I've never realized b efore how much I... move. I cant stay n the same spot for too long. If I do I get restless. And tired. And bored. I can't be restricted, and that's what I felt was happening.
It's funny. I never realized. I never knew how free I was and how much I relly loved being able to do whatever I wanted to. I never even noticed. It never even crossed my mind.
Maybe tomorrow will be different. I could just drag him round with me. :D

Then in photography we were watching some lame video for the entire double period. I was feeling 'doomy somehow'. I was just...thinking. I was acting a bit odd, to be honest. I was wrapped up in everything and nothing else was gettnig through.
And then I thought: THIS ISN'T ME. This isn't the person I was last night. The person who was FREE and HAPPY and DIFFERENT. The person who's sanity was off having a tea party on Mars. So then I decided to write some more commandments.

- Thou shall have more get-up and go than a hatful of Pokers.
- Thou shall lose thy sanity daily.
- Thou shall never listen.
- Thou shall never know what thou is talking about.
- Thou shall always exagerate.
- Thou shall get 'good' ideas.
- Thou shall worship thy leprechauns.
- Thou shall always be hungry.
- Thou shall get angry easily.
- Thou shall not worn others of danger.
- Thou shall love thy wifesy-hifesy husband. (Inside joke.)
- Thou shall only find something when thou is not looking.
- Thou shall enjoy rude jokes.

I stopped after that cause Claire wanted me to play 'Categories' with her. I was considerably less 'doomy' then. XD

So then we had assembly which was BORING as ALLLWWWAAAYYYYSSS. Assembly is one of the reasons that Tuesday is one of my least favourite days of the week.

Anywayy... since it flooded a few days ago our area is covered in mud and it's all closed off so we have to sit in this kinda small area (All 50 of us or whatever) and yeah.
Bronte got a pencil and held it up and I karate-chopped it and it snapped in half. *Is pleased.*

Hmmm... then I had science. Bronte and I went to the wrnog room (As Bronte and I do.) We were in the computer room. I did some crazy shiz there. Hehehehehehe.
Then I had computers and then it was... *Drumroll* lunch.

Lots of kooky stuff happened at lunch. I pulled a power cord out of a barrel, I had a 'punch-up' with Bronte, I told many stories to people, I tired to squeeze through a thin gap, I had an apple and I did sme other stuff.

Hmm... then I had History and Maths. MATHS TEST *Punches self.*

And then SCHOOL WAS OVA BRAHHHHH

Which meant I saw him again. But it wasn't as bad. It was freezing so I had someone to keep me warm. :D And then he left (On his bus) Annnndddd I looked for my wallet so I unloaded these boks we had to read for English to look for them. Then Jack stole them and gave t hem to these little year 8 people. I got one back. And then I couldn't fnid the other.
Adn then I found it with the back cover and a few other pages ripped off sitting in a puddle of water.
Ms Kaniry (My english teacher) is NOT someone you want to mess with. I am very scared. What if she tries to stab me? I wouldn't put it past her. She got so angry last year that she thew a fucking laptop out the window.
So then Kahryn and Jess came up with a plan. We would give it in to Lost and Found and tell them we found it on the ground. First (luckily) we searched through the book and it said Eloise's name in it. So we ripped out that page and went abd gave the book to lost and found.
Hopefully Ms Kaniry will never ever ever get a hold of it. xD

Anywayy on the bus that afternoon the little kids were throwing round this paper aeroplane and it landed near me so I (tyring to be cool) Threw it at them and it almost hit the us driver. :|
But at least it soared. The little kid threw it and it landed about half a metre in front of him. Epic fail.

Well... Kathryn and I had a discussion on the bus.
I pulled out my uneten sandwich and it had a big, flat bit in the middle of it. It looked a bit weird, but I started to eat the sandwich.
I said to Kathryn: Actually...this is quite scrumptious.
And kathryn was like: :)
And then I said: Just like my scrotom.
And she burst into laughter after giving me a wtf/confused/sad look. And then she said: You always find a way to ruin everything reaonsably normal you say.
Me: Huh? *Takes bite of sandwich.*
Kathryn: Everytime you say something, you just have to make it weird.
Me: ...
Kathryn: Example; 'This sandiwch is scrumptious.' THAT would have been pretty normal. And then you jsut have to add on; "Like my scrotom."
Me: Yeh. It wouldn't have been funny without the scrotom part.
Kathryn: I know. But just... why do you do it?
Me: Cause it's as fun as fungus.
Kathryn: -_- *In an entertained way.*


Not much else has been happening. I saw some random guy on the way to the video store who catches my bus. I waved at him and said 'hey' and then infomred him that he catches my bus.

I don't think he appreciated it very much.




Still thinking I've lost something I'm never getting back. Still thinking it's the best thing that's ever happened.


I think I'm missing something,
I'm feeling oh so free.
Where has that wall disppeared to?
My ugly barrier of sanity.
I'm feeling oh so different.
Everything is bright.
Nothing seems to make sense,
Someone's turned on the light.
I'm feeling oh so happy,
This life is just like a dream.
Everything is colourful,
Nothing is as it seems.



Out having a tea party on Mars, Amber

LALALALALALALLAAAAA

Not sure where I am. Not sure how I've been.
Not sure what I'm thinking. Not sure what I've been drinking.
Not sure what you are. Not sure just how far.
Not sure if it's you or me. I think I've lost my sanity.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA.

I've lost it. Whatever 'it' is or was. I'm driving with no steering wheel and it's DAMN GOOD. LALALA

No idea what song I'm listening to, but it's pretty cool. xD

Tis been a while now, has it not?

Mwahaa. Making some comandments. You wanna read them? Here's what I have so far:

1. Thou shall get excited about everthing thou can.
2. Thou shall make up words.
3. Thou shall write as though thou's life depends on it.
4. Thou shall be hungry all the time.
5. Thou shall not care.
6. Thou shall say one thing and mean another.
7. Thou shall wake up every morning swearing to be healthy that day.
8. Thou shall fail every time.
9. Thou shall drive with thou's eyes closed.
10. Thou shall make as many rude jokes as thou can.

WOOFWOOF

Cat or dog? DOGFUCKINGCATROARRR

This guy asked me out today. Ryyyaaannnn. I said maybe, then I weighed up my options.
I ended up thinking that why the fuck shouldn't I go out with him? So I plan on saying yes tomorrow.
This should be interesting.

Now I'm listening to another random song. It's a bit weird.

ROAAAARRRRRR

Little boys and little girls, shouldn't play with fire. Those with wings and magic wands, should never get too tired. Those with brains like yours shouldn't show their teeth, and those with minds like mine shouldn't be let onto the streets.

Well la di da. Best movie in the fucing world is called The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns. Watch it or death.

Make me biatch.

Seems I'm heading off before my head gets too filled up with computer shit. Ta ta ta ta tee tee tee tee tee. Ho ho ho ho. FUCK OFF YOU STUPID BITCH. ...o.O?

Ellie.

You know that feeling you get when you really want to help but you know that no matter how hard you try, you just can't? Well I have that feeling rigth now.
And you know when that feeling gets so deep and so passionate, you just can't do anything else?
Yeah. I've got that feeling bad.
I want to write. I SHOULD be writing. i told people I'd update and I'm not. I've tried, believe me, but I just can't. Not right now.
It makes me feel hopeless. I want to help to help but I cjust can't.
So now, I'm jsut letting you know that I care. Even if i can't help. Even if there's nothing I can do. I still care.

Epic fail.

Yeah. Okay. Writing a happy song that isnt about love is harder than I imagined. Apologies for any hurtful words I said.
My attempt was so hideous and horrible that I will not even think about posting it on here.

Haha.

xo

Why?

Why isn't there any punk/rock/hardcore songs about just being happy?
looking back on that sentence now, it sounds very ridiculous to me. But seriously, I want one!
I was lookng for a good some so I can post the lyrics on my myspace. You know, that sort of song that represents how you feel?
Well I found nothing.
Don't get me wrong, there are some excellent songs around. It's jsut that most of the bands I love don't sing abouu happy things. You know what I'm saying?
My Chemical Romance, for example. The happiest song I found was All I Want For Christmas Is You, and they didn't write that song.
Thats saying something, isn't it?
so anyway, I thought to myself; How hard can it be to write a happy song?
So i sat down and tried to write a happy song.
It was then that I discovered it is indeed, quite difficult.
So then I figured, well just cause I mainly like punk music doesn't mean I can't like other music. So i searched my playlists, and I couldn't find any songs that weren't the slightest bit sad. At least, none that weren't centered on love.

The ones that I could find were-
Pictures by Sneaky Sound System (But hell, I don't really know whatthat song is about anyway. And yes, I do understand it is about pictures. That's nt really hat I'm getting at.)
U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer (This song loses point for spelling 'you' like that)
Hey Ya - Outcast (Although I can't really understand what he says anyway)
Dancing with Myself - Billy Idol (I don't quite know if this is happy. Dancing with MYSELF sounds kinda gross if you get me, and also it sounds kind of lonely. So This one is undecided.)
If You Like Pina Colada - Jimmy Buffett (Not quite sure about this. It's abotu a guy getting bored of his wife, looking for a new one in the paper and then going ona date and finding out the lady was his wife all along. It's got a happy ending I suppose...)

And the ultimate winners of happy songs from my playlists are:

Good Times - Tommy Lee
and
Pork and Beans - Wheezer.

Good times is about good memories I suppose. It's not about happiness, but it will do. And Pork and Beans isn't really about happiness at all, but it makes me feel so good when I listen to it.
'I'ma do the things that I want to do.'
*Sigh* I love it.

Anyway, It's like being in love is the only thing that can make people happy or something. So I am going to write a happy song. XD (I am assuming this will fail.) I'll post it in a new blog soon.

until then, adious amegous.. (Sp?)

Hmm...

I guess I was a teensy bit angry when I wrote my last post.

I decided that I'm not gonna use this blog as a daily journal anymore. That idea failed miserabely and it was very difficult for me to keep p and stuff, so I'm just gonna update whenever I feel like it.

Today, it's the start of a 2 week school vcation. I love school holidays ^_^
I had alot of plans for today, but they didn't work out. It rained (As it has been doing for the past 3 weeks)so I don't think I'll be going down to the park or down to the lake with my sketch book and reading book anytime soon. Maybe I'll go to the park later in the afternoon when the weather has cleared up a bit.

For the meantime, however, I'm updating this blog and hopefully posting a few new chapters of some ofmy quizilla stories. I know Ihave to update Drop The Dagger twice and write 2 oneshots. I also have to update Tear My Heart Open, Make Me Laugh, and my new Jack Sprrow story, I'll Drink My Rum and Shoot My Pistol.
This is gonna take a while.

Well.... Easter on Sunday. I'm very excited :D
Not so much because of chocolate, but becaus the day after that, Me, my dad, my mum and my friend, Bronte, may be going up to the Gold Coast (About four hours north of where I live) for a few nights and going to some theme parks and stuff. Should be pretty damn good.

So now, I should go back to writing Drop The Dagger which I actually don't really feel like writing right now.

Oh well. =]

People

I'm sick of people. Period.

I'm sick of people THINKING tht they care about others, when really, they only care abotu themselves.

Anyone can solve someone else's problem.
Anyone.
But it takes a speical person to solve their own problems...

So you think you're right when you have 28 people saying you're wrong? Where is the logic in that?
And then, then you just make a HUGE deal out of something so small. Oh my god, someone is actully STANDING UP TO YOU FOR ONCE. Wow!
Now I understand that you thought you were right. I understand you being angry at me for disagreeing with you.
What I DON'T understand is-
Why you are acting like such a babyish child and ignoring me.
Why you stormed off and started bitching about how I (And also, everybody else)was wrong.
Why you decided slamming my penicl case on the desk would help/get me angry in any way.
Why you think I don't trust you, which then led you to inform everyone within a metre perimetre that you don't trust me.
Why you think I SHOULD trust you if everytime something extremmely small happens, you go around telling everyone how much of a stubborn, idiot bitch I am and that don't trust me.
Why you then proceeded to tell people how I am ALWAYS wrong, and you are ALWAYS right, when cleary, neither of those things are true.
Why you are taking something that EVERYONE sees as small and unimportant so seriously.
Why you are ignoring Casey for agreeing with me, yet you are not ignoring the whole class, who also agreed with me.
Why you can't confront me about this problem, and must go around confronting other people.
Why you can't just allow us to agree to disagree.
Why you can't just get the fuck over it, as I TRIED to, yet you persisted.
Why can't you just accept the fact that I think you are wrong and you think you are right. I am NEVER going to tell you that you were right and mean it, so you're going to be ignoring me for a hell of a long time.





So you think that your life is just oh-so miserable?
Why?
1. You only have a few friends.
2. You hate school.
3. You hate your life.
4. You don't get along well with your parents.
Is your life really that fucking bad? Seriously?
No it's not.
You could make friends if you had a better attitude about everything. Every single thing you seem to find a flaw in. I'm sorry that the few friends you have are just oh-so-horrible. You got into a fight with one of them.
A fight that could easily be resolved with a simple apology.
You're 'best friend' is just terrible, isn't she?
She always tells you HER problems. Everything's about HER. She doesn't care about YOU. She never ever listens to YOU. She COPIES your ideas. She STEALS them.
Well guess what? She's not going to tell you about HER problems anymore. You just complain about them. Everyone always throws their problems on me it's so horrible blah blah blah.
If people threw their problems on me, I would not be complaining. It means you're trusworhty. A good listener. Brilliant.
But no, none of that stuff is good enough for you. You just want everyone's problems to stop involving you. Well I have news for you, get over it.
Well nothing's about you. Is that right? Why isn't anything about you? Because you don't fucking tell peopple ANYTHING. Before you start complaining that nobody cares about you, maybe you should give them something to care about.
I'm so sorry that I complain to you. I KNOW you can't do anything about it, but it would be ncie if you were just happy to LISTEN. Obviously, that is just too much for you.

Oh no. You have to follow rules at school. RULES. Omg major fucking drama. You could try to enjoy it. You could, and don't you try to tell me you couldn't.
Who CARES how ugly the uniform is? DEAL WITH IT. You have 1 1/2 more years left. Suck it up. You want to get out, but you don't have a logical plan. You want to be a hairdresser or designer or beautiticion.
You try to find somewhere that pays GOOD MONEY when you have no year 10 certificate, no prior job exerience and no money to pay for rent or anything. The economy is going down fast enough as it is.
If you can't survive school without gettng suspended, I don't know how you are going to survive the workforce.
They make you do work at school. BIG DEAL. A large percentage of your life is going to be work.

You don't get along with your parents. Oh. No. Of course, in your mind, there's nothing you can do to change that, right? Wrong.
Of course there are things you can do. Be nicer. Stop complaning to them so much. I'm sure they have MORE problems then you do, whether you want to accept that or not.
Every thing you complain about can be made better. Fuck you if you think otherwise.




Wow. Are you really THAT fucking stupid?
You call me stupid. You call me ignorant. You call me ridiculous.
Do you even know what those words mean, or are they above your level?
Stop playing stupid. It doesn't make you cool. It doesn't make you interesting. It makes you a STUPID DUMBASS WHO NEEDS TO LEARN MORE WORDS APART FROM FUCK.



"Are you okay?"
Yeah I'm fine.
"No seriously, what's wrong?"
NOTHING IS FUCKING WRONG. OH MY GOD I'M NOT SMILING FOR ONCE. SUCH A MAJOR FUCKING DRAMA OH GOD SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG.
Something doesn't have to happen to make someone upset. PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE DIFFERNT MOODS SOMETIMES.
Oh my god, amber's angry for once, EVERYONE INVESTIGATE TO FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER.
Nothing is wrong. WHY CANT YOU JUST SEE THAT.




Wow. I'm sorry I copied your idea. I didnt realize it was sooooooo fucking important to you. I didnt realize that your shitty little words contained so MUCH emotion. I'm sorry. Really, I am.




Holy shit!! You're just SO fucking fat with your twig-like arms and HUMOUNGOUS praying mantis legs. Gosh lose some weight.




Don't take out your fucking anger on everyone else. Oh no someone pushed in front of you. Let's all chuck a giant anger fit and start swearing a tthe person, calling them names and being childish. THAT WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING.





People piss me off so much.
This is for people. People who do numerous things.

People who get SO angry over something so fucking small. Get over it.
People who control other people. Let them do what they WANT. If they're not complaining about it then it's none of your business to stop them doing something. I am an intelligent person. I know what risks are.
People who think EVERYTHIING is just SOOOOOOOOOO bad. It's not. It could be ALOT WORSE. Suck it up. Complani to people, sure. But don't go to such extremes. IT'S NOT FUCKING WORTH IT.
People who are stupid and act like it's not their fault, or just act even stupider. Of course it's your fault. You could try harder. Youc ould, but you don't. And now you have to pay the consequences.
People who lie ALL the time. It doesn't make you cool, not even a little bit.
People who are mean to EVERYONE all the time. Even when you're joking, it gets relly old really fast. One day smeone's gonna tell you off and you're not ging to like it.
People who complain abou tthings that they can easily change.
People who think that nothing is about them when it is.
People who don't care about anybody else's feelings.
People who are just all round annoying!

So, my dear people, this blog was for you.

ID Card?

Tuesday 23rd February, 2009

Well today in Maths me, eloise, kathryn and [Mystey crush], went to the wrong room. So anyway, we finally found our room and I sat between Kathryn and Ella and mystery crush sat behind us.
ANYWAY
Kathryn was telling me that my hair looked blue. I was argueing. Mystery crush said to me: It's blue. And then i started agreuing with both of them and Ella said: Yeah, it's blue. You should dye it back to brown.
And kathryn said: ahahaha you should hae seen her hair in year 7!
So then i pulled out my year 7 ID card and showed it to eloise. She laughed at it and then held it up for the whole class to see and shouted: EVERYONE! LOOK AT AMBER WHEN SHE WAS IN YEAR 7!!!
And then she proceeded to pass it around the room. So then mystery crush got a hold of it and was teasing me about it until I sntached it off him.
He's so gorgeous. *Dreamy sigh*

Also, I noticed him staring at me a few times. Maybe it means something.

I left my art book at school. It's my art book from last year. I found it in my photography room.

Num num.

Sunday, 21st February, 2009

I worked at the markets todaayyyy. It was pretty damn fun. I met up with Bronte which was sweeeeeet. We went looking around and I brought this totally awesome pair of fisherman pants. They're light green with wite and light blue stripes going down them. They're cooler than they sound, I promise.
I also bought another book. It's called 'Starter For Ten'. I read the first few pages and it seems pretty cool. It's a comedy which is good.

Since this is such a short blog, I'll also include Monday's entry:

Monday, 22nd February, 2009

Well I got on the bus this morning with the rest of the people from my bus-stop, only to find that we had a enw bus driver and that the bus was empty. No Kathryn. No anybody.
i sat down in a seat and figured that Kathryn's bustop and the bus stop before her's must have gotten a different bus, ecause our bus is pretty crowded. Anyway, then I heard a guy from the back of the bus talking to his friend on his mobile phone:
"Hey. Are you on the bus yet? Oh. Cause we are." And then he burst out laughing, as did almost everybody.
Someone ran up to the front of the bus and told the bus driver he missed 2 stops. Then we had to turn around, sto for a guy who missed the bus, go to Kathryn's busstop [Kathryn wasn't there] Go to the end of Kathryn's street where the other bus stop is, turn around and go past Kathryn's bus stop again [This time Kathryn WAS there], stop and pick up kathryn and then drive past my bus stop again.
It was very entertaining.

I forgot it was DEAR today. Much to my happiness.
DEAR is a short period before period one where you have to read a book. By me forgetting it was dear resulted ni me not bringing a book. Anyway, so Bronte lent me one of her books.
Now, I got to the first page. The very first page. And this is what it said:
'I gathered the herbs I needed to brew the potion. It was a potion to bring on a woman's monthly cycle so she does not fall pregenent whilst having sex.'
Now, don't get me wrong, it's not that bad. But I found it very entertaining to read that on the FIRST PAGE of a book I got off Bronte. It mkes me wonder what else Bronte has been reading.

After recess, Eloise was walking around carrying a big box with holes in it. I found out that inside was a baby bird that she rescued. Everyone told her it was going to die but she saved it anyway. It's pretty cute.

Also, at recess, there was this retarded looking little bug crawling along the ground. It was very very small. Like a catipillar that had been cut in half. It had spikes comig off it and had to eyes or anything.
I've never ever seen a bug like that. It looked cute from a distance but close up it was hideous. Casey tried to get it to climb onto a stick but accidentally poked it a little and some of it's spikes fell off, making it bald in some places.
I've tried looking for it on the internet but I haven't been able to find it anywhere. It was porbably a rare, endangered species. I think someone stepped on it because when we came back later it was gone.
Weird.

If someone tells me to do something, then I usually don't want to do it. But as long as they DON'T tell me, then I'll be happy to do it.
For example; When I got home from school today, I was thinking; "I'll go clean my room."
So then as soon as i walk through the door my dad says to me: "Clean your room before you go on the computer."
And I was just like: "What!? That's so stupid. I don't want to clean my room. There's no point. Nobody is going to see it!!"
And then I suddenly didn't want to clean it.

Yup.

Ghost Town

Saturday, 20th February, 2009

I woke this morning with a funny feeling. I couldn't stop thinking that I shouldn't have declined Kathryn's offer of going into town early. It felt like if I went into town erly, either something good would happen or something bad wouldn't happen. So rang Kathryn and told her that I wanted to go into town about an hour before the movie after all. And so we did.

I bought a new pair of sunglasses for $10. I'm a sunglasses jnkie. They're black and really big, especially at the top. Tey look like 60s/70s glasses. Groovy. XD

So I saw Ghosttown today XD
It was so good! Ricky Gervais was amazing in the movie and he made the role so funny. God. It was such an amazing movie. The two very end lines were so sweet!! I would tell you them but I don't want to ruin the ending. Oh hell, I'll do it anyway. f you dont want the eding [sort of] ruined, then don't read the next few lines:

The girl: It hurts when I smile.
The guy: I can help you with that.

AWWWWWWW!!!! I love that!! ITS SO SWEET!!

^_^

See the trailer of Ghost Town here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CLx7XiOO_Y


I created a box. Well, I didn't create the box, so to speak, but I have a box. And I put bad memories in it. Bad memories, and things that I wish would happen. Then, at the end of every month, I go and I look at everything in the box and then throw it all away and start afresh. I see if the wishes have come true and stuff like that.
I told my friend, Emily, about this box nd she said she was making one as ell, but it was full of good tings and it wasnt hers. It was mine XD
She's gonna fill it up and mail it to me [Because me and emily live about 25 hours away from each other] so I can have it. XD Yayyyyyyy.

Short Stack

Friday, 19th February, 2009

I found this really good band on itnues. They're called Short Stack. I love their songs; Drop Dead Gorgeous and Princess.

XD

Drop Dead Gorgeous: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xV5bQ7V6fJI
Princess: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXEh86vt5f0


So kahryn rang and wanted to know if I wanted to go to the movies with her tomorrow to see Ghost Town. I said yes XD Then she asked me if I wanted to go into town earlier and look around at smoe shops and things. I said no because I have alot of homework to do and stuff.

This is a really short post.

Continueing

This is continueing from the last post.

Anyway, like I was saying, the reasons I don't like the bible are:

1. The way it contradicts science. I believe in evolution, which has evidence to prove it. How much evidence is there that someone blinked and all of a sudden Adam appeared n earth? None, as far as I know. Sorry if Isound bitchy or anything, but quite frankly, evolution has hard evidence.

2. It's sexist. Women ruined everything for men. Blah blah blah. The bible treats women like they are low compared to men. Also, the bible says that because Eve ate the apple, god made childbirth painful.
I don't see how a baby could pop out of a woman's vagina like it was nothing. Pain comes along with the whole exprience.
Also, there's this whole thing about the bible saying that women ruined everything for men. WRONG. Eve ruined everything for humankind, if it did happen at all. You can't take one person's actions and blame them on an entire species.

3. It's against homosexuality. Men and women have a choice of who they should love. As lng as tehy're a good person, it shouldn't matter who they're in love with, as long as they have enough kindness in their heart to love at all.

4. If Noah had to collect some of every animal in the WORLD, how did he get animals from other countries? The bible skips such details.

There is more, but I don't want to sit here naming all the things I find wrong with the bible.
Once again, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying god is evil or jesus is evil or all Christians are devil worshippers or anythingn like that. I'm just saying that the bible was written by MAN. It could have been overexagerated or whatever.
Also, I am not a bible hater or anything. I think it would be the worst thingto ever happen to the world i the bible was proved wrong. The bible has changed so many people's lives for the better. To see all those people fall to pieces would be horrific and possibly deadly or dangerous for some people.

19th February, 2009

So... I realize that I get very frustrated with people very easily. Expecially over the internet.
For example, when I'm talking to peopple on MSN and they ask me how to change their desktop. I tell them what to do, and then they ask em what I mean. So i give them step-by-step instrutions.
Like; Right click on desktop.
Go to properties.
It really, really, annoys me when the person then goes: There's no properties button!
Of course there's a properties button, it's right in frnot of you!!!1
I know i shouldn't get frustrated about stuff like that, but I do. I guess not everyone knows as much about computers as me, but still.
Come on, people!!
Now I'm frustrated just thinking about it!!

I wish I liked coffee.
That sounds weird, but I really think coffee is disgusting. I don't want to think coffee is disgusting.
It just seems so cool to walk into a shop and say; I'll have an expresso.
And then walk out with one of those take-away hot cups things with the lids. Gosh. i'll just have to replace coffee with hot chocolate.
Nobody will know.

I made a list of things I want to do or want to be like. It's not finished, but maybe I'll post it on here later on. It's pretty long and detailed.
I wonder how long it's going to take to finish.

Anyway, in photography today, Shae asked me if I was Christian. I told her no and that I dislike everything the bible is based on. But I'll get to my reasons later.
Anyway, I asked Shae if she was Christian and she said she WAS but then she kinda stopped, and then she started really liking the band Underoath and then she got back into it.
It just blasted me away to think that a band, or anybody that you've never met before, could have that much effect on someone.
I hope that one day I'm going to make that much difference in someone's life.

Anyway, the reasons why I dislike the bible.
Well, lets get something stright, I have nothing against god himself. [If he actually is real. I don't have much opinion on that matter]. And I don't have that much againdt 'Jesus' either, if that's what you're wondering.
It's just the bible I dislike.
Unfortunately, I have to go. More about this later.

Gym.

Wednesday, 18th Februry, 2009

Well my friend made me a book called; 'How To Be More Outgoing Like Eloise'. [Eloise is the one who made it].
Eloise is a really nice friend and she's really funny and outgoing.
Anyway, she made this book because of a conversation we had in class the other day.
Me: Wow, eloise. You're really outgoing.
Eloise: That was random.
Me: Like, you could stand up in front of this class and say anything you want and not get nervous.
Eloise: I'll write you a book about being outgoing!
Me: Okay XD
She took up about 40 pages of an A4 book!! i didn't exctly mean she had to write THAT much! Anyway, the rest of the book is going to be our letter book so that's pretty cool.

I took my first 'picture' in photography class. It got developed and stuff. We didnt use a camera or anything, we just exposed our papaer to light with things sitting on it. Example; I had a stick and some leaves on my paper. When i exposed my paper to light [using a pojector type thingy in the dark room] the paper turned black excpt for the leaves and things, which turned white.
I then had to put it in all the chemicls and sutff. It turned out pretty good in my opinion.

So every Wednesday at school, we have sport the last two periods instead of class. This term, for my sport, I go to the gym with a few of my friends. We have to ctch a bus from school to the gym. The gym is close to my house so I walk home with Claire, who lives near me.
It was cloudy when we walked back and I was exhausted from the class [As were most people who did it, except for the instructor]
So we stopped at the petrol station and I got a Magnum icecream.
Now, PETROL STATIONS ARE SO EXPENSIVE!!!!
I paid $3.70 for that icecream. At omst places it would be $3. Gosh.
Next week, me and Claire are getting our icecreams from Civic Video.

Jelly Bellys.

Sunday, 15th February, 2009

I really have to make this blog more regualr instead of just posting a billion things on one day.
I will try doing that when I finish these few blogs.

So today, I went to the markets. Once again, not to work, just to look around. We drove a whole hour to get to the markets, but it was raining, so there was only like... 5 stalls there and they weren't very good.
I was looking forward to checking out the second-hand stalls.
After the markets, we went shopping. I bought a packet of.... Jelly Bellys!!!!
I LOVE JELLY BELLIES!!!!
http://www.jellybelly.com/
For those non-Australians, Jelly Belly(s) are the NICET JELLY BEANS EVER!!!!1
They have heaps of really nice flavours.
The only flavour I don't like is buttered poopcorn.
And yes, I have tasted Bertie Botts Every Flavoured Beans. My friend's dad sen her over some from America or something.
Never ever haev a grass-flavoured or vomit-flavoured jely beans. I was litterally GAGGING on the vmit-flavoured one. It tasted so real!!

I believe I think too much. About everything. I can't really explain it. I jsut ovrthink EVERYTHING to the point where nothing makes sense to anyone but me.
I don't know if that's normal or not.

We got home and I found out I lef the straightener on the whole time we were out.
I got in trouble for that.

I was looking for something [I can't remember what] when I found this bangle that I have been looking for for AGES!! I was so shocked when I found it ehind my cupboard. My friend gave it to me about a month ago for a birthday present and I haven't been able to find it. Yay!

It says something in my journal like; 'Dress-like-me-cool'. I wish I knew what that meant.It would be nice.

On the way home, in the car, I was listening to Podcasts on my iPod. I have alot of Ricky Gervis podcasts [Which also star Karl Pilkington and Steve Merchant].
Now, let me tell you something, Karl Pilkington is the awesomest person in the world!
Go onto itunes and type in Ricky Gervais and then download as many of their free podcasts as you can! Karl Pilkington = Genious!!
I love him so much that I actully got one of his books flown over from England. I love that book.
Anyway, so on this one podcast I was istening to, they were talking about what Karl's idea of the ultimate animal would be. If you could give an anmal any body and any head, what would the animal look like?
I don't realyl know what mine would be, but I'm interersted to hear what you think.

I thought of a brilliant ending to my Drop The Dagger story! It's going to be fantastic! I have the actual ending ines in my head. I cant wait to finish it!!

Pork and Beans!?

14th February, 2009

So there's this song and its called: Pork and Beans.
Now, it's not really like mst of the songs I listen to, bt I love it. The chorus is so inpiring and the video clip is pretty funny if you are a you-tube lover and have seen alot of populr videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muP9eH2p2PI
Check out the song by following that link.

I'ma do the things that want to do, I ain't got a thing to prove to you. I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans, excuse my mannors if I make a scene. I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like, I'm fine and dandy with the me inside. One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink, I don't give a hoot about what you think.

Really good song.

Anyway, so it's Valentines Day. Fantastic (Sarcasm)
Nah... I don't have THAT much against valentines day. Not REALLY...

I rang Kathryn and bronte to see if they wanted to do something today.
They didn't.
At first I was really down abou tnot having anything to do but then I jsut had a really relaxing and peaceful day and I was glad that I didn't do anything.
It was like.. fate or something.
Hahaha.

I played my drums for abut half an hour or something. Then I messed around with the keyboard and bass guitar for a while. We have a music room. It's not very big, but it's good enough.
I did some of my homework and caught up on alot of things. Then I wrote some poems and stories on the computer. My neighbour signed into MSN and asked me to play the drums again, so I did.
Plus, it rained. I love rain, so all in all, it was a good day today.

Sup bra.

Friday 13th February, 2009.

Sup, brah?
'Bra'. That word annoys me so much when it is being used to refer to another person. 'Sup bra?' 'How's life, bra?'
Gah. Be creative and try to use a word that doesn't involve a woman's breast.

So it's Friday 13th. Freaky Friday. Black Friday. Evvvvvil Friday.
Okay, so I made up that last one, but you get the idea.
Does anyone believe in that bad luck stuff? I believe in Karma, but I have nthing against black cats, ladders, broken mirrors, indoors umbrellas or any other 'bad omen' thing.
You make your own luck.

Anyway, so today, Jimmy and I waved at each other. It's a start I suppose. I don't like him anymore. I like someone else.
Someone that I went out with about a year ago. Someone who dumped me. Someone who I forogt about for a year because he was in none of my classes. Someone who is now in alot of my classes.
Someone I don't WANT to like, but unfortuntely do.
Jimmy would be better.

My friend has asked me if I want to be in a youtube video. I said sure. It's a funny parody of the music video for Paramore's song; Decode.
Should be interesting.
Also, we might do a funny New Moon trailor or something. Not exactly sure how that will turn out.

Valentines Day tomorrow.
I don't like Valentine's Day that much. Probably because every Valentine's day, I've never had a boyfriend. I don't care that much, but Valentines Day is just depressing for a large ercantage of the teenage world.
Wtf is wrong with people who make these days?

Men.

Thursday, 12th February, 2009

Men! GRRR!!! Frustrting much!? Moody bastards. Worse than a PMSng teenage girl.

Well! Today I forgot to take my wallet to schol for like... the first day ever!! So got on the bus this morning without my bus pass. My bus driver got angry. No big deal.
THEN I wante to show Mikalea my old ID card from when I had dyed blonde hair, but my ID card, of course, was in my wallet.
Anyway, first peeriod, I had o idea where I was going because, of course, my imeble is in my wallet!! Luckily I ran into one of my clasmates. Literally.
So then anyway, we had school photos! Fantastic (Sarcasm).
Then at lunch these people came around selling cans of drink for the people suffering from the Victorian bushfires. I went to get my money, when I realzied it was in my wallet!!!!!
And then in the afternoon, Kathryn has singing practise so I caught Casey's bus home. Now, keep in mind that I have CAUGHT CASEY'S BUS 4 OR 5 TMES IN THE LAST WEEK!!
Well, I didn't have my bus pass. So anyway, I got on the bus and Rodney (Te bus driver who's daughter plays on my netball team. So also keep in mind this guy knows me from out of school!!!)well he didn't even look at me when I got on. So anyway, I went and sat beside Casey.
One minute later, Rodney gets up and storms towards me. "I DIDN'T SEE YOUR BUS PASS!!!"
Me: "Yeah. I forgot it today, sorry. One of the first times ever."
Him: "WHAT BUS DO YOU USUALLY CATCH!?"
Me: "...Seven."
Him: WHY AREN'T YOU ON THAT BUS!?
Me: 'I've caught this bus before. I'm going to Casey's house!" (Which was a lie)
Him: "First and last time!!!!"
Me: *Thinks: Wtf? I just told you that I've caught this bus before.*
Him: YOU DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO ME HEN YOU GOT ON THE BUS AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS VERY RUDE!!!
Me: *Dumbfounded* But I said hi!
Him: "DON'T DO THIS AGAIN!!"
Me: o.O???
Him: *Storms back up to the front of the bus*

GRRRR!!! >.< I have freedom to catch whatever bus I like. There are SPARE SEATS on Casey's bus, and on my bus, people are fucking standing up!! Yet, Rodney doesn't let anyone frm my bus catch his bus. My fucking god, talk about a moody and grumpy man! Then, he yelled at a heap of other kids.
Wtf dude? Tae your anger elsewhere. It's not fair tht you take your loser middle aged problems out on people 30 years younger than you!! Oh yeah, that makes you tough!! TOTAllY!!!
GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well...

Wednesday, 11th February, 2009

I got out of bed this morning happy and refreshed. I left home sad and angry. I arrived at the bus stop only to cheer up. I sat on the bus angry. I went to school happy. I spent recess confused and sad. I spent science feeling uplifted and proud. I spent English feeling happy. I spent the bus trip thinking about everything. Mostly things that resulted in being sad. I spent sport feeling amazingly happy. I walked home amazingly happy. I walked in the door of my house a little down. I sat at the computer. I got depressed. I cried. I then got better, at peace with my situation. Then I got sad again, which resulted in crying. Then, I got slightly better.
Right now, I can't decide what I'm feeling. Sad, content, depressed, pathetic. I don't know where to start.
Well actually, right now, I'm content. I'm sure that will change within the next hour.
Jimmy and I aren't going out anymore. We're just friends.
Brilliant, isn't it?
The first guy I ever hooked up with and bam! The next day I get dumped. Man, I feel so good about myself! (Sarcasm).
Oh, now I'm angry. [Just incase you wanted to know]. Oh, now I'm not angry. I'm sad. Sad/Content. I don't know.
My friend is trying to cheer me up. For some reason, it just makes me sadder. I wouldn’t tell him that though.
Jimmy asked me if I was okay. What am I supposed to say? "Yes. I'm absolutely fine. Quite cheery, actually. You just made my day!"
Well I didn't say that. I told him I was fine. I think he believed me.
I wish he cared.
Well I just found something out.
Emily knew. Emily knew that Jimmy didn't like me. She knew before I talked to her yesterday. She sat there, listening to me talk about everything, and she didn't say a word. She asked me if I am mad at her. I was, but now, I'm not. I'm not anything. This was my reply to her:
"I want to say that I'm mad. And I want to say that I'm depressed, and I want to say I'm happy, and I want to say I'm fine. I want to say I'm content. I want to tell you I'm in pain. I want to tell you I'm in fucking agony.
But actually, I don't feel anything. Nothing. It's like I'm on auto. Like a robot. The only thing I feel is air rushing in and then out of my lungs. I barely feel the keys under my fingertips. The fan is making my skin cold, but I don't notice it. It seems like I don't notice anything anymore. I didn't notice that Jimmy didn't like me. I didn't notice that one of my best friends was hiding a secret from me while I made a fool out of myself.
And you know what? It is just… indescribable. Like I'm below emotions. They can't touch me from where I am. I was fine. I was fucking fine until you told me that. I snapped. It's not your fault. But I snapped. And now I've snapped so far that the words I'm writing don't even seem to make sense to me. I'm not thinking like I normally do. My brain has no part in these words. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I'm not strong.
Oh look. Now I have tears in my eyes. I don't think I can really feel them either. I don't know why they're there. I'm not sad. I don't think I'm unhappy. I can not tell. Tonight, I'll sleep. And I'll wake up,
and I'll be content. And then my 'dad' is guaranteed to say something. Something that will make me feel not good enough. Something that will suggest or inform me that I'm doing something wrong. And then I'll get angry.
Then I might go into my room. And then I might cry. Or get my scissors and scratch at my skin until it bleeds. Then I might feel better. Still angry. Maybe still sad. But better.
And at least I'll be feeling something. And then I'll go to school. And I will be happy. And I say be, because I won't just be acting. I don't just pretend to be happy. At school, I laugh, and it's genuine. At school, I'm happy and it's for real. Anywhere when I'm with my friends, I'm happy.
If I get sad at school, then I'll act sad. I don't hide it. I don't get sad at school often though. So tomorrow, I'll be fine. But right now, I'm not sure if fine is the right word."
I added some into it then, but I guess that sums it up.
I feel… content right now. It's blurry. It's faded. But it's there somewhere. So tomorrow, I'll be better. I promise.
The thing that makes me feel… worse, I guess. Is the fact that deep down, I think I knew he didn't like me. And I don't think I liked him.
Since the day we started going out, I haven't been sleeping well. I guess tonight will bring out whether that my guilt is why I have not been sleeping.
Also, when we kissed, there wasn't anything there. It was… mechanical. Like, I could have been kissing anyone and it would have felt the same. It wasn't extremely special. I don't know.
Also, I've been getting a bit emotional a lot lately. I think it had something to do with that.
After these realizations hit me, I suddenly don't feel so bad. Well, I suddenly actually feel something.

Two Days In One

Monday, 9th February, 2009

Nothing extrodinary happened.

Tuesday, 10th February, 2009

Well this morning, I got so angry at my... dad. I accidentally broke a glass. Not that big of a deal, right? Well wrong, according to him. He got so angry. And then he got angry at some other little things I did. Accidents happen.
It's like I'm never good enough. Everything I do is wrong.
I walked to the bus stop, and I was fuming with anger. I got on the bus, and I was angry. And then I realized that being angry at everyone won't solve anything. And then simple as that, my anger melted and I stopped being angry.
My mood changes easily.

On a different note, Jimmy and I hooked up. (French-kissed, I think it's called) It was my first. I don't know how to explain it. It was good, but... I don't know. Mechanical maybe? I don't know. It was good and everything, but I didn't really feel much of anything.
And just before we kissed, when were about... 5cm apart, I laughed. Ugh. I laughed slightly. What is wrong with me? Who does that? Who laughs when they're about to hook up!?
Oh well I guess.
That was at the end of lunch. I'm skimming over everything quickly because I have to get off the internet soon.

So then, the period after lunch, I told Bronte what happened. She told me she saw a bit [jimmy and I were away from any large groups of people and the bell had just gone so I assumed not many people saw] and she told me that a few people saw. And then she said: You're not going to have sex with him are you!?
I did not know how to react to that. Whether to be offended, hurt, or just weirded out. I told her that I definetely would not be.
And anyway, that period we had a test that I had not studied for. Luckily I aced it, even though I was really worried about it.

So anyway, I got home that day, and my dad got really angry over the littlest thing. I hate it. I hate it so much.

I told Emily about me and Jimmy. She didn't seem that happy for me. I don't know why. Maybe I talk about myself to much to her. I'll start talking about her more.